• Dr Missy Wolfman

The one word that you need to start using to grow

Updated: Jul 13, 2020

I was invited to chat in a Plunket Coffee group via Zoom a few weeks ago. There were lots of questions from the mums there but one stood out to me. A mum asked “How do we build resilience in our children?” I answered that children learn from watching us, so the best way to answer that question is how do we build resilience ourselves? For me resilience means bouncing back or even bouncing forward when faced with failure, challenges and set-backs. At the time, I talked about self-care and self-compassion when we fail, or when things don’t go according to our way. Now I also want to add that in order to build resilience we need to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

Let’s do a little exercise so I can show you what I mean. Say these statements out loud and finish them

“I don’t know how to…”

“I’m not good at…”

What did you say? Maybe you said “I’m not good at saving money” or “I don’t know how to juggle everything”. Or maybe you are like me and just pulled your hair in frustration as you yell “I don’t know what to do with my kids!”

How does it feel when you say that? Does it make you feel stuck in a rut?

Now say the sentence again and this time, I want you to insert this word at the end. The word is ‘YET’.

“I’m not good at saving money yet”

“I don’t know how to juggle everything yet”

“ I don’t know what to do with my kids yet”

Now, how do you feel? Do you notice a subtle but important shift in the way you think?

Keep holding to that feeling, and pat yourself on the shoulders. You have just shifted from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. In a fixed mindset, you believe that your ability is fixed in stone, and there is nothing you can do about it. You may say things to yourself like “I’m only good at certain things” or “I hate challenges” or “There is nothing more for me to learn”.

In a growth mindset, you believe that you can change through your effort. You may say to yourself “I can become better at anything if I put the time and effort”, or “I try until I get the results I want”, or “I like learning about things I don’t know”.

When you shift from a fixed to a growth mindset you build your own resilience. As mums, life can feel hard at times, and we can feel like we are stuck in a rut and don’t know what to do. Adding the word ‘yet’ to our vocabulary will build your resilience. Our kids learn from us so if you want to teach your kids to be more resilient, model this with your kids. Teach yourself and your kids to say ‘yet’ so you can grow together.

I would love to hear what you think and whether you have tried this with yourself or your kids.

Want help with building your resilience? Book your free 15 minute chat with me so we can get you growing.

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